Working Mother: The Teenage Years
My eldest turns fourteen this week, and my youngest turns thirteen soon after. I’m a working mum of teenagers. This phase won’t last long, so I’m determined to make the most of it.
When I started writing my book, the children were part-way through primary school. There probably won't be a ‘Working Mother: The Teenage Years’, but I wanted to pause and reflect on how my parenting has changed in the past few years. It has – enormously.
Is it easier? Not really. Do I feel better at it? Hmmm – not really! Is it rewarding? Yes – 100% the privilege of a lifetime. Am I still learning? Good grief, yes. Every single moment.
I recently reread my book and took the opportunity to reflect on how I feel about its themes now, sitting here in autumn 2026. Here are some thoughts on a few of the topics explored across its sixteen chapters.
Endings – Chapter 1
I’m becoming accustomed to the never-ending cycle of transition that comes with raising children. It seems that, right in front of my eyes, they change emotionally and physically from one day to the next.
And, in turn, what they need from me changes too. As a result, I often feel as though I’m starting a new job, with a new job description. Each role builds on the one before it, but changes significantly enough to keep me alert and on my toes. Just when I think, I’ve got this – I understand this bit, something shifts and invites me to respond in a new way.
The moment I feel we’ve arrived somewhere, we’ve moved on. I’m letting go, working things out and embracing another completely new beginning.
Fear – Chapter 2
Since becoming a parent, fear and I have developed a rather intimate relationship. It’s often present when I think about the boys – although now it’s less about whether they’ll fall over or drink enough water, and more about whether they’ll get home safely on the Tube during the dark winter months, and whether they’ll find a place in life where they feel they belong.
Alongside fear, though, I’m developing an increasingly close relationship with trust.
When they put their strong, almost adult-sized arms around me and say, ‘It’s OK, Mum. I’ve got this,’ I know, deep in my heart, that I can let go of some of my fear. I can trust them to draw on their developing sense of self and make strong, healthy choices.
Control – Chapter 4
I’m sure any parent of teenagers or adult children will recognise the feeling that control diminishes year by year. Quite rightly, of course – even when it can be difficult to accept.
I can no longer pick them up and move them from one place to another or insist that they finish their broccoli before dessert is served.
Instead, it’s about our relationship and my ability to influence: the strong bonds we’ve built over the course of our lives together. Sanctions often feel clunky and ineffective – although, to be fair, I’ve always been rather half-hearted about those anyway.
I’m learning that it’s more useful to let them make their own choices, trusting that in most situations they know what is right for them – and what isn’t. My role now is to be a steady presence, watching from the wings in case they feel they’ve made a mistake or need more advice along the way.
Boundaries, Motivation and Communication (Chapters 6, 9 and 11)
As a family we asked ourselves a question recently – ‘how do we need to live in this next phase, for it to be a happy and fulfilling time as a family together?’
The conversations that followed led to interesting discussions about our individual and shared needs. We realised we all needed space and privacy, I realised I needed a change of scenery with new things to look at in my life, and the cats clearly told us they needed to get away from the neighbourhood Tom who was freaking us all out.
So we looked at a map of the world, toying with the idea of living anywhere – and ultimately moved 6 mins down the road. But with clearer understanding and boundaries in place. That satisfy each of our needs in this period of time.
When the boys were little it felt like articulating and satisfying my needs was hard to do. It’s definitely something that feels easier for me now. Like my partner and I have come back into the mix again as independent beings, with independent needs.
The conversations that followed led to some interesting discussions about our individual and shared needs. We realised that we all needed more space and privacy. I realised that I needed a change of scenery, with new things to look at and experience in my life. And the cats made it very clear that they needed to get away from Tom, the neighbourhood cat who was freaking us all out.
So we looked at a map of the world and played with the idea of living anywhere.
Ultimately, we moved six minutes down the road – but with a clearer understanding of one another’s needs and stronger boundaries in place to support us through this stage of family life.
When the boys were little, it was hard to articulate – let alone meet – my own needs. That feels easier now. My partner and I have come back into the mix as independent people, with needs and identities of our own. And that aspect of being parents to older children feels like welcoming an old friend back again.
Support – Chapter 16
I’ve also continued to realise that none of this working-parenting business has to be done alone. It can feel lonely at times, but having a ‘bench’ of supporters remains worth its weight in gold.
I don’t have family close by, but I do have my own urban army of friends and helping hands. To each and every one of them, I will be eternally grateful.
And finally…
As I look at my children and see the people they really are, I’ll gift them my final words from this time of reflection.
“You’re growing so thoughtful and kind,
With strong ideas direct from your mind,
I’m stepping back now,
Less leading, more ‘how?’ –
But here when you need me, aligned.”