Moving From Self-Doubt to Self-Advocacy: Understanding Self-Awareness

I was recently told by someone close to me that they often worried that I looked disappointed in situations or conversations. It caught me completely off guard as it was so far removed from what I felt was really happening on the inside. Appears my levels of self-awareness are still a work in progress. 

Which is why I’m sitting here writing this article, fresh from being reminded how important this topic is. 

So let’s start with the word itself – ‘self-awareness’. What does it actually mean?

At its simplest, awareness is noticing what is happening around us – the context, the environment, and the behaviours of others. Self-awareness builds on this by turning that attention inwards. It is about noticing ourselves within the experience – our thoughts, emotions, motivations, strengths, and blind spots, as well as the effect our behaviour has on other people.

But this is more than passive observation. Awareness is an active state. It involves paying conscious attention and reflecting on what we notice, and in doing so, we begin to see patterns, choices, and consequences that might otherwise go unexamined. As our awareness increases, so too does our ability to act with greater intention rather than simply reacting in the moment.

Now that I know this person sees what they interpret as disappointment in me, I can choose to make conscious changes to do something differently. Whether that’s through clearer articulation of my real feelings or of becoming more aware of the verbal and non-verbal cues that give off this unwanted message. 

Despite knowing this, I still felt a pang of guilt and of self-doubt when I received this feedback. Concerned about how many other times I’d made them feel this way, and how many other people might have seen ‘disappointment’ in my behaviours too. 

These linked experiences: feedback – reflection – self doubt – self awareness – and ultimately self-advocacy are deeply human ones, felt across all our differences from identity through to culture. But it is important to appreciate that it can show up differently depending on who we are and the context we’re operating in.

Let’s take women in leadership roles for example. I recently heard a story of a woman, who turning up early for her first board meeting in a new role found herself being given the coat of a male who arrived next, and being asked for a coffee. She was absolutely aware enough to know that this wasn’t OK. But the more shocking truth she went on to share was that this interaction had really made her fundamentally doubt her place there. Because self-doubt isn’t just an internal process, it’s one that’s shaped by experiences, and the systems in which we operate. Things like being interrupted or overlooked can all influence how we see ourselves. 

Self-awareness helps to untangle this, allowing us to better distinguish between our own inner voice and the messages we may have absorbed from the environments around us. In our history, the ways in which we were brought up – in the stories we’ve told ourselves. 

At its heart, this is therefore a learning process. Developing self-awareness is not something we complete, but something we return to repeatedly over time. It is an ongoing quest to better understand who we are, how we show up, and why we respond in the ways that we do. That process is most effective when it is grounded not only in honesty, but also in self-compassion. Without that, reflection can easily become self-criticism, reinforcing self-doubt rather than reducing it.

But sadly, self-awareness rarely ‘just happens’. It requires conscious thought and effort. And this begins with creating space to be, to think, and to explore. 

Creating Space to Notice 

Most of us have busy lives. In fact, almost everyone tells me they are busier now than they used to be, and I expect this narrative to continue. So I imagine the very thought of creating space for something else might seem both unwelcome and unlikely. 

But in my mind, creating space doesn’t need to be complex. On the contrary – small, consistent practices can make a meaningful difference. Here are a few I find work for lots of people – including myself. 

Space to reflect is the goal. And simple things like walking, being outdoors, listening to music are known ways to enable us to create space to do just this. As are reflective practises like journalling, or through smaller intermittent check in’s with ourselves. For example, asking regularly ‘what did I notice about myself today?’ on the walk from the office to the train station. Mindful practises such as regular body scans, moments of ‘stilling’ and conscious breathing activities all help us to slow down, check in with our emotions. 

In these small but significant and intentional acts, we create the opportunity to notice, and therefore the space to learn. 

Please Remember Your Strengths 

Many of us I suspect have higher awareness of our weaknesses – of the things we feel we ‘get wrong’. With slight sadness, I suspect we are slightly less adept at readily noticing the things we ‘do well’ or ‘get right’. 

In psychology, this is often termed ‘negativity bias’. Where we show the tendency to notice and weigh negative things more heavily than positive ones.

When it comes to self-awareness, there’s an important point to remember here. Because growth is not only about noticing the things we want to change, it’s also about recognising and using our strengths more deliberately too. 

I often suggest my clients explore their strengths not just through results i.e. things we are ‘good at’. But also through the lens of energy. Asking a question such as ‘what has given me strength today?’. Is a powerful one. I’m good at organising, but frankly I’d rather stick pins in my eyes, so I’m not sure it’s a true strength of mine. Stick me in a practise room though for hours on end, and I’ll come out buzzing with energy, having lost track of time, engaged completely in flow. Full of strength. It’s important I notice this and utilise this awareness just as much as it is recognising the tell-tale signs I can show that might signal disappointment, for example. 

So notice your strengths, notice your qualities, and work to understand them. They too are part of becoming increasingly more self-aware. 

A Personal Responsibility 

I began this written piece, but stating clearly that in my mind self-awareness is something that requires action. It’s not a passive concept. It’s something we have to do for ourselves, and take personal responsibility for. While feedback from others can be valuable, the work of reflection sits with us. It involves being open, seeking insight, and making choices whether to act on what we learn. 

And as we all know, looking into the mirror and taking time to really explore what we see can be a confronting thing. So be kind to yourself as you do. If we approach self-awareness with harshness, we reinforce self-doubt. If we approach it with honesty, patience, and self-compassion, we create the conditions for meaningful growth.

But be clear, the growth is ours. We have to seek out the information, ask the questions, reflect on what we collect, and then, only then, choose what – if anything – we do with it.

Awareness in Action

As our awareness grows, so does our ability to act with intention. Should we choose to. 

This is where self-advocacy begins to take shape. The ability to be connected to our needs and to know how to use our voice. Now I know that I can come across as disappointed at times I am empowered to questions to understand and importantly I am empowered to choose what I do with that new learning. In this instance I’ve chosen to apologise, and articulate really clearly that my intention is really not to look disappointed. If anything I think I’m a bit anxious in that particular situation. I’ve chosen to take this new awareness and to use it to build the communication between me and this close contact. I’ve chosen to reassure them of what I believe my intention to be and to ask for help to understand when I am doing it, so I can continue to learn. I’m not yet sure if it’s a facial movement I make, words I use, but I know I will find out the answer. 

It strikes me that with a clearer understanding of our strengths, values, and perspective, we are so much better equipped to communicate in a grounded way. To speak up, contribute ideas, and importantly to articulate our needs and perspective. 

For me, self-advocacy is not about being the loudest voice, but about ensuring our voice is grounded in our sense of self – and that it is heard and valued – especially by ourselves.